Joke Time

This had me laughing alone in my room...

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Boyfriend to Girlfriend, may LQ: What do you take me for?! Granted?

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Guard, answering the telephone: Hello?… Ah yes, for a while. Please hang yourself.

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Starlet in an interview: If the odds are against me, then I will against them.

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Inday Badiday asks a starlet about her mother's burial:
Inday: Kumusta ang libing ng nanay mo?
Starlet: Successful naman po.

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Army officer to cadet: "Do you know why I ask you to stand?"

Cadet: "No, sir."
Officer: "Ok, why?" (anlabo!)

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Teacher to students: Baka gusto nyong ibilad ko kayo sa covered courts.

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Teacher: Class, I want you to watch sex scenes.
Class: What?! Teacher!
Teacher: What's wrong? It's a beautiful film starring Bros Welles!(Bruce Willis)
Class: Aah, Sixth Sense!

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Sa isang examination:
Student: Mam, pwedeng gumamit ng liquid paper?
Teacher: Ang kulit naman! Sinabi nang pad paper lang eh.

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A reporter interviews a politician about the Philippine economy.

Politician says: Talagang mahirap ang buhay natin ngayon. Pero slow by slow, we will success.

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Teacher: Sorry, class. I'm late. My mother died three years ago. And now she's dead. (Ano daw?!)

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Heard in a fastfood chain:
Yaya: Ma'm, gusto po ni Mark ng KIDNEY MEAL!

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Teacher: What is ur name?
Student: Dell.
Teacher: What is ur old?

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In a restaurant:
Waiter: Sir, How do you want your egg?
Customer: Side in, side out.

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Mom interviews her daughter's suitor:
Mom: What's your course?
Suitor: Geo po (for geology).
Mom: Ahhh… Geo-rnalism. Ok yan. (ok nga!)

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Guy to Girl: I love you. This is not a ball. ("Hindi ito bola" in English)

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Teacher to students: Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically!

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Teacher to students: Okay class, it's time to go home. Form a line and pass out slowly.

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Angry teacher to student: I want you to bring your father and your mother, especially your parents, understood?! Bring them tomorrow in front of me, right here, right now!

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Emcee, in a party: The next song is the favorite song of my best friend, and neither do I!

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Teacher: Oy, magdala kayo ng chip ahoy a.
Student: Miss may "s" yon…
Teacher: A, sorry. Chip ahoys!

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Two lousy-in-english friends talking to each other:
Friend 1: Am I raining outside?
Friend 2: Not yet. Sprinkle only.